Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Ex-Files: Should You Keep in Touch?

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference..." -Elie Wiesel

This weekend, I got into quite a debate with a friend of mine about the idea of staying in touch with former lovers. Personally, I don't believe in the idea of befriending or keeping in touch with exes. And when I use the term "ex" let me be clear. I'm not talking about that person you casually dated/screwed/kicked it with for a short amount of time without any real feelings. I'm talking about that person you have history with, the one you invested your time, energy, and emotion into, only to have things go sour for one reason or another. I know that some people swear by keeping those connections alive, but I'm of the opposite opinion. Once I've decided that you've hurt my feelings for the last time, I couldn't give two shits about you or what's going on in your life. I'm not sending any "Hey, just checking on you" text messages, not calling your mama to wish her a happy birthday, not following your posts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...hell, if I were walking past you and you burst into flames, you'd be lucky if I stopped to piss on you to extinguish the fire. (Okay, that last one was a little extreme. If my ex was in serious life or death danger and I had the power to help, of course I'd do it...maybe, LOL. But I digress...) 

So back to this debate I found myself in the midst of:
Her: "He still calls sometimes to see how I'm doing and who I'm dating, and I look at his Facebook every now and then just to be nosy. It looks like things aren't going so good between him and the new chick."
Me: "But why does it matter? Who cares if his relationship with the new chick is working out? He decided he didn't want to be with you, so f*#k him!
Her: "Because it makes me feel good to know that I was right about his new situation. I want him to recognize that I was a good woman to him, and he messed that up."
Me: "And again I ask...why do you even care?!? Why does it matter to you if he ever recognizes that you're a good woman? It's over! As long as you know you're a good woman, who cares what he thinks?"

And back and forth we went. My point is this. If you've truly moved on, keeping tabs on your ex should be one of those things that might occasionally cross your mind, but in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter.  Even though we all get a little satisfaction from knowing that the one who did us dirty is feeling the effects of karma, if you're exerting even the slightest bit of your time or energy into seeing if that is indeed a reality, maybe you haven't moved on as far as you initially thought. 

These of course are just my thoughts, and we all know that I'm no expert when it comes to love or relationships. What do you think? Is checking up on your ex (texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking, etc.) a meaningless way to keep in touch, or does it mean that you really haven't moved on? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!


-MsSexyDanielle

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