Sunday, September 22, 2013

You Might Be a F.A.N. (F#ck A$$ N*gga) If...

Its no secret that the dating scene here in Atlanta is one big cesspool of crazy, to say the least. It seems like I meet men wherever I go, and while some of them end up being worth my time, for the most part a lot of them come with their own unique brand of loser-ness. My best friend Monica and I have come up with an affectionate nickname for all the bozos that fall into this category: F.A.Ns (fuck ass niggas). F.A.N.s are everywhere: at the grocery store, at the gym, at the car wash, posted up at the bar of your favorite lounge. You know the type... that cocky guy who steps to you, yet seems to be completely oblivious to his inherent lameness. I present for your entertainment ten true F.A.N. stories from the mean streets of Atlanta.

You might be a F.A.N. if...

1. You lie about having your own place, when really you and your dog sleep on the couch at your brother's girlfriend's house.

2. You invite me out, then cop an attitude about paying for my $12.00 meal.

3. You claim to be Kurupt's younger brother, and expect my panties to become instantly wet from that irrelevant tidbit of knowledge.

4. You try to bribe me into dating you by offering to buy me gift cards to my favorite store.

5. You say you don't have any kids, but your cover photo on Facebook shows you hugged up with two children who look like your identical twins.

6. You offer me Molly on our first date, then become angry with me when I refer to you as "being on drugs."

7. You divorced your ex-wife over a year ago, but you still have her old makeup and toiletries in your bathroom.

8. You think meeting at Starbucks for a cup of coffee is too expensive, and you get an attitude when I decline your offer to hang out at my place instead.

9. You text me like clock work every two weeks to see if I've changed my mind about sleeping with you.

10. Your homeboy dropped you off for our first date, and you made no plans for a ride home, because you fully expected that I'd be giving you a ride back to my place.

I swear I couldn't make this stuff up, even if I tried. And while the faint of heart would probably give up on this dating thing altogether, I can't lie, these F.A.Ns and their antics keep me thoroughly entertained. Hell, if I can't find Mr. Right, I might as well get a good laugh (and some fodder for my blog) while I try.

Till next time, folks!


1 comment:

  1. Hahaha I love it!! I'll be in Atlanta next month hopefully I can observe these FANs in action, lol. From a spectator view only and not a participant ;-)