Monday, November 7, 2011

A Blessing in Disguise

This has no doubt been one of the most difficult and physically painful weeks in my entire life. Most people who know me already know the story, but for those of you in the blogosphere who don't, I suffered a pretty serious  injury at work (I won't go into all the details, but I will say it involved my head, metal plates, and a school bus door. I know right? You can go ahead and say it, random shit like that only happens to me!). Needless to say, I've spent the last week back and forth at a variety of doctors, out of work and holed up in my apartment trying to recover. Being the undeniably selfish person that I sometimes am, naturally my first response was "Why me?" All I could think about was how painful and inconvenient this whole ordeal was shaping up to be, and how it was unfair that I had to go through this.

But as I spent my week glued to my couch, slipping in and out of consciousness from a cocktail of medications, a funny thing happened.

It became clear to me just how much love I have in my life in the form of family members, friends (the real life and virtual kind) and co-workers that I often take for granted. The kindness shown to me was simply overwhelming: my mother who dropped everything and drove three hours to be with me; my family members, personal friends, Facebook friends, and Twitter followers who kept my phone buzzing and email box full with a constant barrage of calls, text messages, wall posts, tweets, and emails to see how I was doing; my co-workers who drove me to doctor appointments, filled prescriptions, fed me, and even saw to it that my vehicle was safe (because I was in no shape to operate it). I couldn't believe how many people went out of their way to make me feel comfortable. So often, I get so bogged down by all my responsibilities that I forget just how truly wonderful and beautiful the people in my life are. When I was first injured, the school sent someone to pick me up and take me to the doctor. As I sat there and waited, the thought kept replaying in my mind that I was here all alone. My entire family was three hours away, and should I have an emergency (like right now), I didn't even have anyone that I could call right away for help. That thought (along with the excruciating pain in my head) made me sob uncontrollably. But the outpouring of support I received throughout the week let me know just how wrong I was. And I've never been so happy to be wrong :-)

When I felt I had enough,
You never turned away,
You were right there....


Saturday, November 5, 2011

I Like You, but...(I'm Just Not That Into You)

This whole dating scene can be quite a slippery slope that I often don't know how to navigate. With that said, it is no surprise that I find myself with yet another conundrum on my hands regarding the opposite sex. So here's my dilemma. For the last few weeks, I've been hanging out with a gentleman we'll call Ryan (and before anyone asks, he is not a social media friend of mine, nor does he even know that I keep this blog). On paper, Ryan is everything I should want in a guy: intelligent, educated, well-mannered, funny, goal-oriented, spiritual and hard working. As for looks, he's somewhat Denzel, but certainly matinee-able. I met Ryan through some mutual friends who were sure we would hit it off instantly. We've been out several times, and I always enjoy myself. The conversation is engaging, and for the most part, everything has been going pretty smoothly. There's just one problem: I don't feel anything. The spark, chemistry, fireworks, butterflies, "je ne sais quoi," (or whatever your preferred terminology for that unexplainable excitement you experience around someone that you're really into) is noticeably lacking. I recall noticing after the first couple of dates that that feeling was absent, but I told myself to stop being silly...Ryan was such a nice guy, surely it would come on its own, right? Fast forward almost a month, and my mojo still doesn't feel the least bit tickled.

Don't get me wrong, Ryan is a really cool person, and I have no qualms about hanging out with him despite my lack of romantic enthusiasm. The problem is that Ryan seems to really like me a lot, and whenever he makes those comments like "You're exactly the kind of woman I could see myself with," I smile very sweetly and find a way to conveniently change the subject. I'm aware of the fact that that strategy will only work for so long. I'm not in the business of playing with anyone's feelings, which is why a part of me thinks the best course of action would be to tell Ryan how I feel and keep it moving. On the other hand, maybe my heart and spirit just need a little more time to warm up to this fella. I don't want to dismiss a potentially right person all because I didn't give myself enough time. (Sigh) What's a girl to do?

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements? 
Even if it leads nowhere?