I love you. I hate you. Each December 31st I make a list of resolutions, and there you are, somewhere near the very top. And for just a little while, I actually do stay away. I organize my dates in a neat little calendar, I set up a filing system to keep track of every deadline, I reflect daily on how much better my life is without you. But by springtime, you and I are back together, two inseparable peas in a pod. Most of the time I can control you, but every now and then, you get the best of me and things really go wrong. At those moments, I'm forced to stop and ponder...what makes me so attracted to you? And as hard as it is to admit, I know exactly what it is that keeps us together: it's my arrogance, my self-confidence, my unwavering faith in my superior intelligence that causes me to scoff at deadlines that most people consider important. When the pressure is on, my mind becomes as focused and powerful as a laser beam, and the task at hand becomes a game, an avenue for me to challenge myself to achieve maximum performance with minimal time invested. 85% of the time, you and I are a happy, functional couple, making even the most difficult task appear effortless. But the other 15% of the time you leave me frustrated, scrambling, overworked, and full of regret. At those moments, I wonder what I ever saw in you, and I make a mental checklist of all the reasons you're not good for me. I vow to put you out of my life for good, but then you show back up and we start all over again.
We've been together for a long time, and just like a stagnant marriage, our arrangement has become so comfortable that I don't even know where to begin in terms of ending things. Finding the strength to break things off with you for good is going to be difficult, but its a step I've got to make to reach my full potential. (sigh) I'll start working on it tomorrow...